Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
