So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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