she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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