but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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