a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
