awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
