Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
