You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
