Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
