8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
