ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you mean i was at the winter classic?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
