I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
