If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
