he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
