you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
