Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
