The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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