I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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