I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
