Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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