Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
