All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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