Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
