508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
