I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
