Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you remember whose house we're in?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
