i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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