y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
