i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
