you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
