I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
