So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
