I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
