he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
