a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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