i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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