i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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