Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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