You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
