JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
