I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
