Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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