I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
