If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
