Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
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