it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
