She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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