I love black thongs
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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