Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
