I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
