Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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