Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
