my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
